Family..... Waiting Is Hard, but God's Timing Is Much Better than Ours.

So I have had a lot of people through the years tell me that I should write down our story, well the story of our journey that is. So here is a little glimpse into the journey that my amazing husband and I have taken in the last 10 years.

Our story starts back in 2003 when we said "I do," and started our life together, on June 14th (I may have picked the 14th due to the fact it would be an easier number for my dear forgetful husband to remember, since it is the same number as Valentines day).  We got married, then about 6 months later, in December, we decided we wanted to start growing our family.

We both love children and knew we wanted a big family. Okay so that isn't completely true, I knew I wanted a big family, he wanted 2 and I wanted at least 4 (wait till the end to see who is winning).

After a year to a year and a half, I went to see a doctor, which after several months of no results, sent me to a specialist. My first visit to the specialist was so encouraging, he was sure he could help me and have great results. So he started me on a couple different medications (one was the same as what the other doctor had me on for 3 months), then 2 weeks later I came back to find it did nothing.   He decided to try something different, this time it came with a needle attached that had to go into my stomach every morning for 7-14 days (depending on the month, some they extended it). Then it moved to one kind of injection in the morning and one kind in the evening, this had to be at the exact same hour morning and night everyday. After several months of emotional highs and extreme lows, hormones that were off the map (my poor husband), floods of tears, anger, jealousy and feelings of being an inadequate wife, nothing would ever happen. My body wouldn't produce even a single little egg. Every month would end with me laying on the floor of our house sobbing and begging the Lord for a baby. They decided to do some exploratory surgery to figure out if something more was going on, so I had a laparoscopic surgery which made them realize I needed a bigger surgery in a couple months.  I had the second surgery and had to wait a couple months to see what was going to happen, then they started the process again. This time they raise the dosage of the medication as much as they could without harvesting the eggs for in-vitro fertilization, that is a LOT of hormones being pumped into a body. After several months of the same thing, we decided we couldn't do it anymore, we had to stop. I don't think my body or emotions could handle anymore.

We started looking into adoption, we called, emailed and met with several different agencies. All that to find out, there was no possible way we could afford a private adoption at that time. Then we decided to look into becoming Foster/Adoptive parents, so we went to some meetings through the county we were interested in, to end up seeing God abruptly close that door. At this point we were praying and thanking God for the family we had, though very small and having no children, we still had a beautiful family that our Heavenly Father created. God helped us come to a place where we were good, no we actually came to a place where we were great just being the two of us. I cherish that time God gave us together, growing closer to each other, and being able to spend an amazing amount of time with our nephews. I will always be thankful for that time. Without that we wouldn't have the relationship and closeness we have, and we wouldn't have the bond with our nephews that we are so blessed to have.  I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

After about a year and a half of spending time with just each other, God started nudging us toward adoption again. This time he was directing us to foster/adoption. He wanted us to love on these babies that had been through so much, the way that Jesus loves them.  He was continually reminding us that we are called to care for orphans. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. James 1:27. God started opening doors for us as we started looking into a different foster/adoption agency in a different county.  We started the process in June/July of 2008 and were licensed by that October. 

In January 2009 we got a call that there was a 5 month old baby boy. Well actually our call said "We have an African American little girl", the next call said it was a boy.  We arrived at Children Services and there was only one baby there, and he was in a car seat in the hallway outside the offices.  We weren't quite sure if he was our little boy or if we needed to wait till our little boy got there. We weren't sure because this little boy was a blonde haired, blue eyed Caucasian little boy. Pretty sure they needed to do a little more research on that one.  

We fell in love with our little boy soon after bringing him home.  He was delayed in some areas and didn't sleep well at all. After a couple weeks of getting him on a schedule, with regular meal and bedtimes, he wasn't crying nearly as much and he started to thrive. He became such a happy baby and he learned to roll over and started scooting around on his belly. Well a month passed and they decided to send him back to his birth mom, my heart dropped. We got the call and had to take him back the next morning. Praise the Lord for my dear friend Sherri, who was able to ride along with me because I was a wreck. She was there for me and helped me through that really rough day. God has truly blessed me through the years with some amazing friends, and she truly is one of them. 

Fast forward a little over a week (yes a week)........ we get a call and they had to take the little boy back into care. This time they told us it was going to be long term, well about a month later we got a call and the case worker said, in a VERY chipper voice,  "Well I've got good news......... The Grandma is going to take him"......... I said "what?" because I just couldn't process it, especially from the way she said it. The workers knew our background and our heart to have a family, so when she said those words it crushed me. The next evening we had to take him back, this time after meeting the grandmother and talking to her, we felt much better about things. We could tell this was a good thing, and had such peace about it. 

Over the next 5 months we got 4 calls for babies that "we were getting," and within a day or two, every one of them fell through.  With every call I received telling me it wasn't going to happen, my heart broke more and more. Never realizing that with every broken heart, God was preparing me for the special gifts He had for us. He was giving us a longing and love for our children, before we even met them.

Because our journey is so long, I am going to break it up into a few posts. So until next time I leave you with this. 

During these 6 plus years there was one verse that we clung to. 
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope," (Romans 5:3-4, ESV)