To continue our journey I will pick up where the last post ended. If you haven't read the first part of our story you can click here to catch up, before reading this post.
After five months of calls about children we were "for sure" getting that never panned out, we were more than a little discouraged and hurting. We continued to lean on the Lord for our strength and had to say "In Your timing Lord."
By the time September arrived we had been called at least four or five times about children we never brought home. Then on Tuesday September 8th Jeff took the day off to work upstairs (we were in the process of finishing the upstairs of our house). Around 10 or 11 that morning, I answer my phone to hear "Hi I was calling to tell you we have a baby girl, she was born two days ago, she was born addicted, and she is supposed to be going home today. Would you....." She couldn't get out the rest of her sentence because I was saying "YES! YES! YES!". The case worker said that the likelihood of the baby going back to birth family was slim, and it was highly likely that we would adopt her. We were ecstatic! She also said she would call later to tell me when we needed to go to the hospital. I ran up the stairs shouting "We are getting a newborn baby girl!"
Later that day we were told she had jaundice and would have to stay overnight, so they could have lights on her to help her recover. We were upset that our little girl couldn't come home that night, but understood the reason and wanted her to be well. We waited anxiously the next day, until early afternoon when I called (yes they are really bad about getting back with you when they need to) our case worker. I learned that our little girl started going through withdrawal the night before and was transferred to the NICU. I wanted to see her as soon as I could, (1) because I wanted to love on that sweet little girl for whom I had waited so long for and (2) because I didn't want her to be alone. I was told that the medical person would get in touch with me and I should be able to go that afternoon. In a later call I am told I couldn't go until Monday, because the birth parents were showing up at the NICU causing problems. We needed to wait until regulations for the birth parents were in place. They called later in the week to tell me I could visit anytime, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and all weekend. Tuesdays and Thursdays were days the birth parents could visit, but only if they passed a drug screen.
Monday I woke up very excited about meeting this sweet little girl for the first time. After a long wait to learn the time we could visit I called only to discover the medical case worker was out sick and I couldn't go. On Tuesday she calls to tell me, she couldn't go because she was sick the day before. I was anxious to see this little girl, and was losing hope. It seemed to be going in the direction every one of the last four calls had gone, only drawn out much longer.
I received a phone call Wednesday morning that told me I would finally meet her that afternoon. The caseworker was to meet me at the NICU that afternoon. So many emotions were overtaking me, excitement, anxiousness, sadness (for her situation) and nervousness. I was going to meet a baby girl that could become my daughter.
I was trying to control my excitement, because there had been so many days we were told we could go that ended in disappointment. However a call from CSB scheduled a time the caseworker would meet me at the hospital. I arrived without knowing who I was looking for because I'd never met this case worker. It is a big hospital, but I knew the women's center quite well because that is where my fertility specialist was located, and I had two surgeries there. I waited for the caseworker at the front desk and remember we signed in and took the elevator to the second floor. As we stepped in, and the doors closed, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if saying "is this REALLY happening? Am I really going to meet MY baby".
At the NICU front desk I had to sign papers, the case worker had to give information, and they made copies of my drivers license, just for me to get in. This is not normal procedure, but was due to the birth family circumstances that our little girl was born into. This was to protect her and the hospital from any unauthorized visits.
Finally I was through the double doors, then I had to turn right, then left, go down a short hall, then turn right and her room was on the left (I remember those halls like it was yesterday). It seemed like those halls were never ending on that day. My world changed forever the moment I walked through the door and saw that beautiful little girl! I walked to her crib and fell in love with this precious child. Seeing all the monitors, wires and tubes, broke my heart for her. As we waited in the room for a nurse, the CSB worker explained more about the situation, asked me what we were going to name her, and so many other things that you would only talk about when you are sure the baby is staying in the adoptive home into which they are going. When the nurse came in she asked if I would like to hold her, and of course I, wanting nothing more at that moment, said "Yes!". After scrubbing in, I was able to hold her for quite a while, feed her and change her. She was so tiny, 6 lbs 13 1/4 oz and 19 1/2 inches long, I felt like I was holding a baby doll. I was truly in love with this precious little girl.
That day as I drive the 45 minutes home from the hospital, my heart broke because I had to leave her. I called Jeff and as soon as he answered the phone, through happy tears I said "YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE HER!"
After the first week I called CSB to ask if I could go every day if the birth parents didn't go, After checking with supervisors they said I could call each of those two days to see if the birth parents had checked in and were going to visit the baby. If they weren't going, we were free to go. After the drug screen regulations went into effect, the birth parents never checked in with CSB, so for the next 2 1/2 weeks I drove to the hospital to snuggle, feed, change, bath and learn how to care for the special needs of my sweet little girl, almost every day. Some days I would go early to meet with the doctors in the morning, others I would go in the evening so Jeff could go with me. Then October arrived and I went to see her early on that Thursday to visit her when the doctors came in. I knew she was improving, and wanted to see if they thought she would be going home soon. I expected them to say what they always said while praying for something different. In reality, I expected it would be another two weeks or more. Of course, when the doctors came in and checked her, I asked the question and waited anticipating the normal response. The doctor team looked over her chart, saw her progress and said "Well if she keeps improving and her numbers don't go down, she could go home this weekend." I know I must have looked at them like I had just won the biggest prize of my life, and said "REALLY, are you serious?" They confirmed, but didn't want me to get my hopes up. So we prayed, and we had others pray, and we prayed some more.
I visited her on Friday and she was still doing great, so I was hopeful. They had to do the car seat check, to make sure she was okay riding in it and that her heart rate wouldn't drop. Plus they had to do other checks and other training for us to take her home. We were thinking if things went right, we would be able to bring her home on Sunday. On Saturday October 3rd we weren't planning to go until evening, because we had to run a kiddie tractor pull that afternoon. On the days we couldn't visit until later in the day, I always called each morning to learn how she did the night before, because nights were pretty rough on her. Many times I would hang up in tears just wanting to hold her and protect her. So, I called shortly after we got up that Saturday morning asking how she was doing. When the nurse said "Great, she is going home today!" I said "REALLY! We get to come get her!" You must know, as soon as I hung up, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "SHES COMING HOME!" which Jeff really didn't need to hear, because he heard me on the phone. At that moment I was shaking, and crying and laughing, all at the same time. We rushed to get ready, packed her going home outfit, and headed down to the hospital to bring our baby girl home.
We arrived, signed all our papers, changed her clothes and received the last minute training that we need to continue the kind of care she received the last four weeks in NICU. The hospital case worker arrived to go over other papers and instructions. Then the nurse tells Jeff to pull the car around. The nurse walks me and my sweet baby girl down and after big hugs, we were taking our baby home. Wish I could have hugged every one of those amazing nurses at the Miami Valley NICU! They are a very special group of ladies who care for these special babies. We took our baby girl home for a very brief time, because we still had to run the very last kiddie tractor pull of the year. All I wanted to do was stay home and love on my baby, but we had a contract to fill with no one else to do the work. I am pretty sure that is the fastest we ever ran a tractor pull! I had our sweet girl bundled up in her car seat in the trailer, rocking her to keep her from crying. I am so thankful there were people who were more than willing to jump in and help do the paper work, because they knew this new mommy, who just wanted to get home, couldn't do it all and take care of her daughter. When the kiddie tractor pull was finally over, we quickly took her home to be a family. Ahhhhhhh! What joy!
We knew, going into this, we had a long journey ahead because there is always a lot of long term effects when a child is born addicted to drugs. We also knew we have a God that is so much bigger. There were many long days and nights with lots of crying, there were lots of occupational and physical therapy training I had to have, to work with her daily. But we had the adoption on our side, and thought we would be able to finalize in about six months. We thought, form everything CSB was telling us, it was just jumping through the hoops at this point. In truth, that turned into a long journey of highs and lows, visitation, hearings, and finally an actual full trial before the state got permanent custody. It was a VERY long battle that we weren't expecting because they told us she WAS going to be ours. There were many days of crying over her situation, and the thought of losing her.
Praise the Lord on July 22, 2011 we had our permanent custody hearing and our baby became ours forever.
We are Blessed beyond anything we can ever explain. God truly loves us more than anything we deserve.
For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing praises to your name. 2 Samuel 22:50
I was trying to control my excitement, because there had been so many days we were told we could go that ended in disappointment. However a call from CSB scheduled a time the caseworker would meet me at the hospital. I arrived without knowing who I was looking for because I'd never met this case worker. It is a big hospital, but I knew the women's center quite well because that is where my fertility specialist was located, and I had two surgeries there. I waited for the caseworker at the front desk and remember we signed in and took the elevator to the second floor. As we stepped in, and the doors closed, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if saying "is this REALLY happening? Am I really going to meet MY baby".
At the NICU front desk I had to sign papers, the case worker had to give information, and they made copies of my drivers license, just for me to get in. This is not normal procedure, but was due to the birth family circumstances that our little girl was born into. This was to protect her and the hospital from any unauthorized visits.
Finally I was through the double doors, then I had to turn right, then left, go down a short hall, then turn right and her room was on the left (I remember those halls like it was yesterday). It seemed like those halls were never ending on that day. My world changed forever the moment I walked through the door and saw that beautiful little girl! I walked to her crib and fell in love with this precious child. Seeing all the monitors, wires and tubes, broke my heart for her. As we waited in the room for a nurse, the CSB worker explained more about the situation, asked me what we were going to name her, and so many other things that you would only talk about when you are sure the baby is staying in the adoptive home into which they are going. When the nurse came in she asked if I would like to hold her, and of course I, wanting nothing more at that moment, said "Yes!". After scrubbing in, I was able to hold her for quite a while, feed her and change her. She was so tiny, 6 lbs 13 1/4 oz and 19 1/2 inches long, I felt like I was holding a baby doll. I was truly in love with this precious little girl.
That day as I drive the 45 minutes home from the hospital, my heart broke because I had to leave her. I called Jeff and as soon as he answered the phone, through happy tears I said "YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE HER!"
After the first week I called CSB to ask if I could go every day if the birth parents didn't go, After checking with supervisors they said I could call each of those two days to see if the birth parents had checked in and were going to visit the baby. If they weren't going, we were free to go. After the drug screen regulations went into effect, the birth parents never checked in with CSB, so for the next 2 1/2 weeks I drove to the hospital to snuggle, feed, change, bath and learn how to care for the special needs of my sweet little girl, almost every day. Some days I would go early to meet with the doctors in the morning, others I would go in the evening so Jeff could go with me. Then October arrived and I went to see her early on that Thursday to visit her when the doctors came in. I knew she was improving, and wanted to see if they thought she would be going home soon. I expected them to say what they always said while praying for something different. In reality, I expected it would be another two weeks or more. Of course, when the doctors came in and checked her, I asked the question and waited anticipating the normal response. The doctor team looked over her chart, saw her progress and said "Well if she keeps improving and her numbers don't go down, she could go home this weekend." I know I must have looked at them like I had just won the biggest prize of my life, and said "REALLY, are you serious?" They confirmed, but didn't want me to get my hopes up. So we prayed, and we had others pray, and we prayed some more.
I visited her on Friday and she was still doing great, so I was hopeful. They had to do the car seat check, to make sure she was okay riding in it and that her heart rate wouldn't drop. Plus they had to do other checks and other training for us to take her home. We were thinking if things went right, we would be able to bring her home on Sunday. On Saturday October 3rd we weren't planning to go until evening, because we had to run a kiddie tractor pull that afternoon. On the days we couldn't visit until later in the day, I always called each morning to learn how she did the night before, because nights were pretty rough on her. Many times I would hang up in tears just wanting to hold her and protect her. So, I called shortly after we got up that Saturday morning asking how she was doing. When the nurse said "Great, she is going home today!" I said "REALLY! We get to come get her!" You must know, as soon as I hung up, I yelled at the top of my lungs, "SHES COMING HOME!" which Jeff really didn't need to hear, because he heard me on the phone. At that moment I was shaking, and crying and laughing, all at the same time. We rushed to get ready, packed her going home outfit, and headed down to the hospital to bring our baby girl home.
We arrived, signed all our papers, changed her clothes and received the last minute training that we need to continue the kind of care she received the last four weeks in NICU. The hospital case worker arrived to go over other papers and instructions. Then the nurse tells Jeff to pull the car around. The nurse walks me and my sweet baby girl down and after big hugs, we were taking our baby home. Wish I could have hugged every one of those amazing nurses at the Miami Valley NICU! They are a very special group of ladies who care for these special babies. We took our baby girl home for a very brief time, because we still had to run the very last kiddie tractor pull of the year. All I wanted to do was stay home and love on my baby, but we had a contract to fill with no one else to do the work. I am pretty sure that is the fastest we ever ran a tractor pull! I had our sweet girl bundled up in her car seat in the trailer, rocking her to keep her from crying. I am so thankful there were people who were more than willing to jump in and help do the paper work, because they knew this new mommy, who just wanted to get home, couldn't do it all and take care of her daughter. When the kiddie tractor pull was finally over, we quickly took her home to be a family. Ahhhhhhh! What joy!
We knew, going into this, we had a long journey ahead because there is always a lot of long term effects when a child is born addicted to drugs. We also knew we have a God that is so much bigger. There were many long days and nights with lots of crying, there were lots of occupational and physical therapy training I had to have, to work with her daily. But we had the adoption on our side, and thought we would be able to finalize in about six months. We thought, form everything CSB was telling us, it was just jumping through the hoops at this point. In truth, that turned into a long journey of highs and lows, visitation, hearings, and finally an actual full trial before the state got permanent custody. It was a VERY long battle that we weren't expecting because they told us she WAS going to be ours. There were many days of crying over her situation, and the thought of losing her.
Praise the Lord on July 22, 2011 we had our permanent custody hearing and our baby became ours forever.
We are Blessed beyond anything we can ever explain. God truly loves us more than anything we deserve.
For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing praises to your name. 2 Samuel 22:50
